I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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