Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
