He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you never un-have a 4some
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
