It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
