she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
