he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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