hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
