Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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