I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
