I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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