I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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