never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
