Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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