Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
