If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
