you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
