you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
