Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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