what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
