Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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