At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
