is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
