My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
