using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
