sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
