Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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