I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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