Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
