i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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