Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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