You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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