kristin has been a bad kristin
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
