If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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