Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
