can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
