i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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