It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
