How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
