I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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