He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
