guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
