You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
