I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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