Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
