I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
