The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
