I think my vagina is haunted
he thought i was a dude.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
