Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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