i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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