we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
did i walk over a car last night?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
