Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
