I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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