Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
