THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
