So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
