I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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