I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Everything about him screamed your future.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
