ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
