and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
