the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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