I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
