after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
