Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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