the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
