everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
