I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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