the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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