Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
