i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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