haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
