I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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