have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
