I think I am morally bankrupt
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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