so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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