Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
