i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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